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It became easier to not argue, to not put up a fight. Because when she did, it only brought on more heartache to herself. The child, the woman, she, her… all being me. Sweet Jesus I wonder when I stopped caring. Why did I give up my fight? I wonder why I can’t see the light that is suppose to shine at the end of every tunnel? How did a woman so young in years grow to feel to empty and old? Jaded. I hide myself from friends for days on end, fearing they will see what I see when I look in the mirror. I shun my family for giving me the memories that have formed me into the person that I have become. I wonder what happened to the woman that use to be vivacious. She is a rare visitor, or maybe I just imagined her. Maybe she only exists in my mind. Because the only person I see theses is world-weary and raw. I don’t care for her much. Even now as I write, I beg myself to stop, because if I don’t, I am forced to think of all I am loosing, all the precious time I have already lost. All the. Some of the boys in the Naval Infantry squad were trying to fish with long, sharpened, bamboo sticks. An old man was directing two boys barely out of their teens. The rising ground below the keel had brought the fish shoals to the surface, but we hadn't any line to make decent fishing rods. The rest of the fishermen's fellows were huddled under an awning in the aft hold. They refused to mix with the boys from the Naval Construction Company grouped in the forward hold because they were Korean.The young infantrymen averted my eyes as I passed. Although I was but a reserve officer, and in the auxiliary service at that, a captain of any Japanese vessel was still the lord. It was impolite to talk to a captain unless asking permission first. Respect must always be shown with a bow of the head.The Naval Infantry companies at this time of dusk in the Pacific war were a mixture of young boys sprinkled with a few old hands - mainly seamen who had lost their ships. They were once a proud service.
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